Men as fathers

We get a lot of comments from well-meaning people who seem quite surprised that Xavier has survived as long as he has with two men as parents. As if men are fundamentally incapable of figuring out how to raise a baby.

Xavier is probably just a little bit on the chubby side. Or at least definitely not thin. Yet we were out on a walking tour last weekend, ending with lunch at a neighborhood restaurant, and one of the women on the tour turned around from her table to say, "My friends and I were just wondering--are you going to feed him at some point?"

He was not fussing or squirming, or giving any indication that he was hungry, so I have no idea where the question came from. We politely explained that had stopped to feed him during the walking tour, and he was fine. And we restrained the impolite part that wanted to say, "What the hell do you think? Of course we feed him."

But this has not been an isolated experience. Random people (ok, random women) have no reservations about telling us, at a glance, that our baby looks hungry / cold / hot / tired / cramped / uncomfortable / etc. / etc. Even when he looks perfectly happy and healthy.

Maybe some of these things happen to mothers as well. But I suspect a big part of it is that people don't automatically see men as capable of being caregivers. Even when evidence to the contrary is right in front of them.