The test

Xavier's mom is HIV-positive. She informed us during her pregnancy so that we could make an informed decision on whether to go ahead with the adoption process.

Neither of us wanted to intentionally seek out an HIV-positive baby. We felt that being first-time (and gay and interracial and non-South African) parents would be challenge enough. But we did our homework and learned that the risk was less than 1% if the mother did everything correctly, so we decided to move forward and hope for the best.

Ellen was already HIV-positive when she had her previous baby, so she knew the drill. Eat well, stay on your meds, go for regular check-ups, inform the nurses when you go into labor so that they can give an extra dose, and keep the baby on meds as well for the first 8 weeks.

Ellen did everything she should and was in great health when she went into labor. The delivery was quick with not much blood, which was another good sign. For 8 weeks we gave Xavier his daily dose of nevirapine syrup, at 7am religiously. And then we took him to get tested.

A few days later, the pediatrician called us to say she had bad news. Xavier had tested positive. She would do a confirmation test, but wanted us to know that there was very little chance the result would be different. We were on a road trip at the time and wouldn't be back home for 12 days. The pediatrician told us just to continue giving him the nevirapine syrup until we returned, now as treatment rather than prevention.

For the next 12 days, we tried to process the news and what it would mean for our lives. Turning back was never a thought. Although we hadn't wanted to sign up for an HIV-positive baby, we were no longer thinking about it in the abstract. "A baby" was now "Xavier" and he was already our son. But we were angry and we were sad. It felt so unfair that a little baby would have to live with a chronic illness for his entire life, as well as the stigma and discrimination that comes with being HIV-positive.

When we got back to Pretoria, we took Xavier for the confirmation test. I happened to overhear the nurse say, "We need to give him the PCR this time." Which is the HIV test that should always be used with babies. So I said, "Wait, what do you mean by 'this time'?" And that's when we learned that he was previously given the HIV test for adults, called the ELISA. The ELISA picks up HIV antibodies, so the baby of an HIV-positive mother will nearly always test positive with an ELISA, even if he is not infected. They had given Xavier the wrong test.

When the results of the second test came, we learned that Xavier was in fact HIV-negative. In the moment, we felt so relieved that we didn't think about feeling angry about the incorrect first test.

In hindsight, we probably should not have taken him to a private, white pediatrician in an upscale neighborhood. The odds are good that she had never dealt with an HIV-exposed baby before. She clearly had no idea what she was doing. Instead we should have taken him to one of the government clinics, where they test dozens if not hundreds of babies a month. Lesson learned on making unthinking assumptions about where you'll get the best care.

In the end, we are just thankful that Xavier is healthy.